Disillusionment

Tonight's post is brought to you by the letter "D". For disappointment. And for disillusionment.

Let me explain.

My husband....yep, him again..... was part of one of the most vaunted establishments in our country. The United States military.

Here is where I'm going to pause and warn you all that this is going to be bitter and it's going to be sad and it will probably offend someone. I'm okay with all of this, though. Bitterness, sadness and being offensive all falls under the heading of "allowable" emotions when dealing with what life has thrown our way. So. Sorry, those of you I offend, but this is real life and real life is messy and offensive.

Back to what I was saying. The United States military. You hear those words and for so many people, it brings to mind honor and courage and well..... commitment. Heard that before? For me, it brings bitterness and anger.

I'll tell you why.

Because, to the military, my husband and his brothers were and continue to be, disposable. They took a strong, young man who had so much promise and wrung every bit of usefulness out of him that they could. Which, I get it. That's the way it works. BUT. The kicker? They used him, wrung him out and then abdicated  all responsibility that they had towards him.

Disappointment.

In this process, we start questioning more and more what that damn honor that comes from serving looks like and well, it's not what it was presented to be. My husband, literally, risked his life for this honor and ideal. He sacrificed years of his life, because, let's face it, disability takes it's toll on a body and he has yet to gain this status. At least in the eyes of our government. He is my hero and my children's hero and he will always be. He fought a war that well.... he shouldn't of.

Disillusionment.

This, folks, this is the dirty secret of war. This is the elephant in the room of veterans. It hovers, man.

It's rarely discussed. There are reasons for this, of course. How can you embrace the fact that you wasted your life for someone else's dirty games? How long can you sit and contemplate this before you break?

So, it stays rarely talked about, but it's always there. I walk into the VA hospitals and Vet centers and I see the defeat in our fallen warriors eyes. I see it everyday sitting next to me.

You should be ashamed, America.