I can relate. It seems like, in PTSD land (which, believe me, is not as fun as it may seem), things never go the way that you want or the way that you plan. Things can be going so great, so well one week and the next, it's just not. It may seem melodramatic, but it's the way that it goes. "One day at a time" is the motto du jour. We cling to the motto. It's silly, but that one phrase brings comfort. It's like throwing a warmed blanket over a chilled body. We have a bad day, a bad week, a fucked up month and we look at each other and one of us utters "one day at a time" and it's like we just released our breath that we didn't realize that we'd been holding. Our lungs fill back up with fresh air and we move on.
Some days, though....... some days, no matter how much we seek that comfort and fresh air, it's just out of reach. We can feel it brushing our fingertips in a maddening tease, but it stays there, taunting us. That one day remains elusive.
So, we get back on the roller coaster and we ride that bucking bitch called PTSD and we grit our teeth and we do what we have to do to get our "one day at a time" clarity.
That's what fighting for a relationship in the middle of PTSD is like.
I didn't know you were blogging your journey, but I am so glad that you are. The path through is just through and I hope you know that you have a lot of shoulders on which to lean. Loving you.
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